Choose to Challenge by Lending a Voice
I decided to interrupt our usual discussions here on corporate governance, compliance, data protection, etc. to speak on something that I consider to be a special topic — women and how we can be our best selves. While there have been a lot of platforms and forums to discuss the theme of this year’s International Women’s Day, I thought to share my own experience and what I believe has helped me so far in my journey. I believe that the most lasting changes come from changes in perspective. In discussing issues relating to women with men, and even other women, I have found that we all have subconscious biases that affect what we believe about women. Some men have been trained to believe that women are second rate and unconsciously this belief has affected how they interact with people of the opposite sex. I want to tell a different story today about how one voice can make the difference in the journey to fulfillment of potential.
The story begins with a little girl in JSS2 (the second year of high school) listening to the prayers of her father every morning after quiet time during the holidays, “O Lord let Onowe move into the units”. The units my Dad referred to were the first, second and third positions in my entire Class. It is necessary for you to understand that at that time, there really was no sincere drive or desire on my part to be the best in my class. I had come 31st out of 60+ in my first year and my sole aim in school at the time was to somehow adjust to the whole process of living away from home and make it through the six classes that would allow me graduate. Believe me when I say that life in boarding house for me was like the shock you experience when you pour cold water on your body to shower on a cold day. From waking up early every morning to the mean seniors, but that is not the story for today. Today, we are speaking about my Father and his short prayers for me every morning during the holidays before I resumed as a JSS2 student. If you believe in the power of prayer, then it would not surprise you to know that in my second year, I moved to 7th position and then somehow by my 4th year all the way to my 6th year, I was coming first in class and I graduated with a very good WASSCE (end of high school year exam) result. All this because one person dared to believe in me and pray that I come out of that place of obscurity and move into the light.
Let us fast forward to when I finished from the University. After experiencing that “high” of good grades in secondary school, you would expect that University would be a walk in the park for me. Well, it was not. Due to certain factors, very many indeed, I went through school and came out with a lower grade than I desired, particularly after my dramatic rise in Secondary School. Then enters my Father again. After trying all through University to help me out of all the challenges I was facing, he did not condemn me as I arrived home that day with my final results. He said “Onowe, law school is another opportunity; you can go ahead and do better there. To further encourage me, he wrote me a 2-page letter which I have to this day. The letter basically included encouragement and some tips for success at school. Throughout the rigours of law school (if you successfully went through Law School, I am sure you can relate), I would regularly bring out this letter and reread. It encouraged me greatly and truly by God’s mercy my grades improved.
My Dad never treated his female children differently or set ceilings on what he believed we could achieve.
I said all of the above basically to say this: one voice matters. The theme of this year’s international women’s day is “Choose to Challenge.” It would be unfortunate for us to leave the statement as a mere phrase on our lips, without letting it change our whole perspective. We must challenge ideas and thoughts that do not empower women to become all that they could be.
I believe that is one of the greatest tragedies in life — to be capable of so much and yet come out with so little.
So how can we choose to challenge? I have a couple of lessons from the above story.
- If you are a parent, challenge stereotypes by not setting a ceiling on your female children. Be the wind in their sails, and that voice of encouragement for the achievement of their dreams. Do not be part of the gang that says “why should we spend so much to educate female children, when they would leave and marry eventually”. Remember, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and imagine how proud you would be when your daughter shines at whatever she does.
- As a man, be the voice to your spouse. Be the voice to your female friends. Do this because you know that it takes two wings to fly a plane and no matter how strong one wing is, if the other is weak, the plane would still crash. We self-sabotage when we fail to be voices of encouragement and support for women. Imagine what would have happened to me if my Father did not believe in me enough to say those prayers, or if he concentrated on my brothers alone; I would definitely not be here today.
As we celebrate women this month of March, let’s go beyond the rhetoric to practically choosing to challenge our cultural biases. Until next time.
